The Top Five Reasons The Green Party Should Not Be In The National Debate

1) If they get in, then I could get in. Suddenly no one is wearing pants in Parliament.

Although, a naked Stephane Dion is an attractive thought...

Sorry. You know I meant Harper. Those eyes...so blue.


2) They’re not a real party – Seriously? You actually think a random mix of idealist hippies and pot smoking communists grouping together and muttering protests of environmental concerns without a sound economic plan(Oh... wait a tick)is a legitimate party? Think again. And get off my lawn. This isn’t a park.

3) Members in parliament? One

Yeah, like the party with only one member in Parliament should be in the debate.

Come on!

Come on!
Uploaded by alexis711

4) Having the female Green Party leader in the debate will make the men uncomfortable, what with her penis envy and all.


5) Its not fair to the Conservatives. Let’s see here.

We have the Liberal Party. Centre Left. Check.

We have the NDP. Far left. Check.

The Bloc. Almost left...

Almost left Canada that is! HAHAHAHAHA...

......................................................................

Not good?

My bad.

And then we have the Green Party? Super far - out of sight - almost communist - left? Check.

By my calculations that’s four Left Wing parties vs. one Right Wing. How can anyone consider that fair?

Dion's Dubious Platform and a Modest Man's Solutions

Carbon Tax?

Dumb idea. Some provinces (to be specific one province, my province, British Columbia) already have a “carbon tax”. It’s another tax on the middle class and has created a new wealth of bureaucratic harassment and general discontent amongst the population, the majority of which lives around Vancouver and must already pay a transportation tax.

Furthermore, I don’t even understand the tax.

I am made of carbon. My cat is made of carbon. Mcdonald’s Jr. Chickens are made of Carbon. Surely they cannot be bad for this vague term “the environment”. I mean, yes, the cat does just eat, sleep and poop. And I’m sure at night she dreams of laying on my face and suffocating me. But I don’t think any of that is a reason to tax her existence.



So the idea is unsound but that has never stopped a great politician from passing a bill anyways. If Dion were smart he would have named it the F-Cancer Tax. That sucker would’ve passed with flying colours. As a politician it’s almost impossible to win an argument against cancer. Every single voter has some negative experience around the disease and the mention of the word, combined with the association to pollution and sickness rates, would have opposition in a bind. Every time they’d try to debate it rationally they would be talking against strong irrational emotions that would deafen the public to their legitimate concerns.

More importantly the F-Cancer Biill , Dion would have reformed Dion's image of a weakling into a hip, anti-establishment, Trudeau-like statements who wasn’t afraid to say what he meant, and was strong enough to use strong terms. Comparing Harper to Dion, after Dion dropped the F-bomb during his platform speech, would have been like comparing Anne Murray to Shania Twain.

Forgetting about him icing the puck on the environment issue for a minute, the economy is a beautiful idea to get elected on in 2008. Attack the Conservatives at their historically loudest trumpet. And at the same time, maybe “accidentally” reference the post-iceberg Titanic that is nudging its way deeper each day south of the 49th.

Dion hasn’t taken this to the next level unfortunately. The Conservatives have hammered him with attack ads and there has been little to no response. This will not work in Canada which tends to bore out elections like they’re taking place in a library. You’re going to have to turn up the volume on your thoughts dear sir.

Fear: A terrible way to live your life but a great way to get elected. Time to ride that dirty bird and ride it hard. Fear that Harper is little Bush(That one has been covered). Fear that as we watch Leonardo’s white corpse slowly float to the bottom of the ocean he will reach up with one arm and suck our little raft down with him.

A Man Of Many Faces

One might assume this picture describes the supposed Parliament Hill bathroom sword fight that proved to the Liberal establishment that he was right for the job. One might also want to realize that it’s not the size of the candidate fingers but what he can do with them...




Full bladder, fresh cut onions, or partisan political hack question face? You decide.




How can I butch up?



Mr. Ignatieff sums up the feelings of a nation



What can be down about this weeping mime of a man? I sadly don’t have an answer.
Sometimes I just want to grab him by the shoulders and start shaking him while screaming “Get a hold of yourself man, FOR GODS SAKE! You’re the leader of the Liberals!”.

Canada already has the unfair image of a soft nation who believes more in rational discussion and problem solving than war. And it doesn't help that we are easily compared to our southern neighbours, who tend to feel the exact opposite when it comes to all global issues. So I ask you, how are we suppose to elect a leader that looks like he is about to whip out the tissues before he’s even been elected?

I predict that Dion will fail in the coming election (really going out on a limb with that one, eh?) relegating him to a spot on the Liberal historical platform just below John Turner (at least Turner was P.M. for an entire summer...).

Neon Dion Needs To Bulk Up

I can't vote for this man.


He always looks frightened.

I beg of you to find me a picture where this man doesn't look like he's about to run away from the school bully. Does it exist? I’m doubtful.

I apologize that I am so superficial in my judgments of Mrs, err, Mr Dion. I've always thought of myself as an issues person but I just can't get past all of his shortcomings. And believe me, there's a lot of them.

1) His face
Will he cry? Won’t he? He gives the impression that the tears will spill at any minute. He reminds me of a weeping mime. Imagine him trying to talk down the Russians?

2) His body
Scrawny. Unimposing. Meager. Emasculated. Physically inferior.

Use a simple thesaurus if you require more. The fact is, is that Dion looks weak. His small frame is only overshadowed by his pale, vampire- like skin.

Is Dion really a vampire? Only for our tax dollars...(Rimshot)

But if the race comes down to arm wrestling tournament, my money is on Dion battling Elizabeth May in the toilet bowl.

3) His voice(Shivers)

Some un’ should ‘av take ‘en im to eh speh’ch coach.

The horrifying tone from his throat is on par with Preston Manning in the “Smash my eardrums with a hammer” awards (Yes those are real awards.)

5) French
If you didn’t know already let me explain the significance of being French. The accent, the arrogance (even if it’s not there, the West coast interprets it anyway), and the cultural/financial ramifications associated with being French can instantly turn off a large segment of the non-Quebec population.
Every time that nasally broken English hits our ears we tend to think of an over represented parliament and unequal share of National spending.

6) His name – I don’t think I’m the only one who gets the picture of a girl named Stephanie selling mustard locked into their head whenever an audio clip naming him is heard.

And is this wasn't enough for the poor rookie leader, the man is constantly compared to his much more assertive predecessors. Let’s review shall we?

Trudeau – Fingered western protesters on a train ride through Salmon Arm. Also enacted Martial Law during terrorist crisis. Rating? Two giant biceps of Prime Minsterial Power

Chretien - Choked a protester who pushed the limits of good taste and respect. Rating? One rear naked choke of Shawinigan adrenaline.

Paul Martin - Had the strong willed, evil businessman going and was even bold enough to secure offshore bank accounts to avoid that pesky income tax. Rating? An Irwin R. Shyster clothesline from hell.