Get Out and Don't Vote....Please. Just Go For Ice Cream or Beer Instead

Thankfully another useless Federal Election has passed(the third in 4 years) and Canadians have once again come out in force (sorta...) to practice democracy. Leading up to voting day the same slogan was fervently puked out by all politicians across the entire political spectrum.

Get out and vote.

But after talking to people from a variety of socio-economical backgrounds and age groups about their political choices and the reasoning behind their selection, I just have one thing to say.

Please get out and don't vote.

Don't do it.

Canada deserves better.

You people suck.

I honestly don't think everyone should vote. Why not? Well I've narrowed down a few reasons to help alleviate the pressure and effort that comes with going to your local voting booth and dropping in a ballot.

(For more enjoyable reading, try using a Jeff Foxworthy “You might be a redneck” voice in your head)



1)If you don't know who the leaders are of the major political parties then you should probably not vote - If you are so ill informed to confused Harper with Dion then we, unfortunately, cannot have your vote canceling out the vote of one of the people who decided to spend minimal effort keeping abreast of the basic political situation(We'll give you a pass if you don't know who Elizabeth May is).

I know people who can't read and still are more educated about our leaders and their plans than 50 percent of the population is.

2)If you are a seperatist then you should probably not vote - You don’t want to be a part of Canada so then you might as well not bother spending any effort deciding the direction of the country. Go bake some baguettes and re-watch The Barbarian Invasions to pass the time.



3) If you vote for the same party everytime despite economic, social, environmental, and global changes or party leadership changes you probably shouldn't vote. You're voting sole on weak sauce black and white, us vs them thinking and don’t actually care about this country and the major changes that have occurred in it between elections. You are a partisan hack and therefore your heavy bias and sad lack of self esteem will only further the divide between bleeding heart pinko liberals and fascist racist neo cons.

4) If you vote for someone because your relatives did then you probably shouldn't vote. If you’re voting for a party or leader because your husband does than just take your ballot and wipe your bare bottom with it until its red with blood. If you vote because of parental influence then cut the umbilical cord because your parents have too much control over your beliefs and life.



5) If you live in the Maritimes or Quebec you probably shouldn't vote - Please don’t. In this unfair system you already get a disproportionately large amount of votes compared to your population and tax payments. Give the West a chance. Just try it for once. We’re not bad people. We won’t cut your obscene funding. I swear(crosses fingers behind back).